Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Misunderstood and Sometimes Mysogenic Organ

Many years ago, Garrison Keillor did a terrific stand up comedy routine at the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis, long before the Prairie Home Companion Show was on the air.  During one section of the show, he included material that would never find its way on the radio program.  He played the part of Harvey Peters, USDA County Sex Agent (comparable to USDA Agriculture Agents in rural Minnesota). Ostensively, Harvey gave talks to Future Farmers of America and other rural groups on sex, much as his counter parts talked about insect pests, rainfall and crop rotation. 

In his County Sex Agent guise, Garrison's topic for the evening was The Penis.  He explained that the penis was an unfairly maligned organ, shy and retiring by nature. Garrison added that the penis preferred a dark comforting place, away from harsh artificial lights or the brightness of sunlight or the breezes of an outdoor setting.  He noted that the penis shrivled up in the cold and easily took offense, especially when compared with other Males' members. He explained that contrary to the common misconception, the penis rarely poked its nose into other peoples business where it wasn't welcome.  And if it inadvertently did so, once realizing its mistake, in embarrassment, the wayward member drooped disconsolately.   He went on to explain that some women accused the penis of nefarious motives, while in fact it was simply quietly waiting to be called upon to perform its reproductive function as best it was able.  Between its obligatory reproductive tasks, it brought a little collaborative pleasure to both partners' lives 

Harvey Peters, AKA Garrison Keillor, was regrettably not aware at that time, that a small percentage of otherwise benignly vascular male members are neuronally miswired directly to the basal ganglia and brain stem in their owners' reptilian brains, which express violent urges, territoriality and ritual displays of dominance through sexual assault. Those grotesquely violent extensions of their owners twisted thoughts have been a blight on manhood throughout history, and even to today, with Republican "legitimate rape," contnue to aspire to false propriety.  Among such cases of mindless Homo raptorus (as compared with Homo sapiens, thinking man), such backward and typically conservative Velociraptor-like humanoids, and their offensively intrusive netherrods are transformed into vehicles of destructive misogany.   Every right thinking man takes deep personal offense at such repulsive depredation of the individual choices of womanity, and its gross misrepresentstions of what it means to be a man. 

Thinking back on Agent Peter's/Garrison's thoughtful presentation, one realizes most penises ernestly go about thier work-a-day tasks of expelling urine, making babies and doing their part to bring a little happiness into couples' lives.  But penises of a minority of morally depraved reptilian males are wreaking violent havock on womanity and bringing shame to the owners of all those other kinder and gentler male members.  The latter are quietly concealed within their owners' boxers or briefs, going about their ordinary activities, patiently and respectfully awaiting an invitation to come out and participate in sensate festivities of the flesh. Here we see a Michaelangelo's David with his typically proportioned body. Thank you Harvey Peters for shedding light on this shrouded and oft times misunderstood topic.